Chapter 4 A dozen shadows and a welcome smile episode: 8

A hundred silhouettes flicker without a sound. Crickets and running water is all I can hear. Everyone is motionless in perfect rows waiting for something. A man dressed all in black emerges from the darkness beyond the fires light. No one moves. Anxiety now floats in the air that wasn’t there a moment ago and not a single breath is heard. Even the crickets and flowing water seem to become quieter in response to his appearance.

In one hand he holds a scroll and in the other a wooden bucket. With a flick of his arm the scroll unravels and he holds up the drawing of a man’s face. The image burns into my mind. Every detail from his thinning hairline to the shape of his nose quickly commits its self to memory. I feel all of my muscles tense knowing that I need to find this man quickly. Without a warning the scroll is dropped and the bucket of water is dumped on the fire enveloping the clearing in almost complete darkness.

A great wind blows from a hundred shadowy figures sprinting through the dead of night, with me among them. It is an amazing feeling to move as fast as I am without making a sound. I am a ghost in black. I know the way to go and I must get there before the others. I push myself harder and harder. There is a barrier inside my mind telling me I must not go faster or I will become too noisy but I push past it. A twig snaps loudly under one of my feet as I break into a full reckless sprint. I feel my mysterious companions falter for a moment caught off guard by my behavior. I break away from the pack of shadows and suddenly know that I am alone. I feel danger all around me as a large building comes into view in the distance lit up by the moon that seems to now penetrate what was before an almost undisturbed blackness. I gracefully climb the first wall that surrounds the outer courtyard. Hand over hand I glide through the air more like one might if they were swimming then climbing.

Somehow I lower myself down the other side of the wall and hide among some bushes without even one of the many guards noticing me. I pull a blow gun from the waist of my clothes and gently remove a dart that is carefully pinned to my shirt. I load my blow gun carefully knowing as I take the first shot that the dart will on cause the guards to sleep. There are five guards in this part of the court yard. I will have to hit them all quickly without missing because I have few darts and if the first guard drops while the last still has his wits he will surly sound the alarm and it will make getting to the man from the scroll that much harder.

I study the guards knowing that I only have moments to do so if I am to get to the man before those that began with me. There is one guard close to the wall where I let myself down only feet away from where I now crouch. Two more cross back and forth across the courtyard while a fourth one stands partially obscured from view by a corner of the main tower. A fifth one walks across the courtyard and continues around the tower. The fifth guard could be reporting to a post on a different part of the property, investigating a disturbance from one of the others that came with me, or he could be patrolling on a designated route around the tower but whatever he is doing I need to be prepared if he circles back around.

My fist shot hits the target and a guard a few feet from me swats his neck as if a bug bit him. Shots two and three closer to the main building land perfectly, Shot four is a harder aim the guard is part way around a corner and only part of him his visible but I manage to hit him in the arm. I am out of darts with a final guard still patrolling regularly near here. One by one the guards sit and then lie down and quickly become fast asleep.

 I run as fast as I can to the tower and climb to a third story open window and silently lift myself in making sure to close the window behind me. There is no one in the hallway and with nowhere to hide I quickly blow out all nearby candles until I am tucked in to a blanket of darkness. At the end of the hall I listen and wait. I hear no footsteps. I make my way down the next few corridors and up a flight of stairs until I come just short of my destination.

I crouch near the top of the stairs with only the side of the door I am looking for in view. standing sentry is an armored samurai. I have no time to wait or plan. I pull from a pouch a few sharp metal stars I throw them with deadly accuracy, each one snuffing out a candle. Before my samurai friend has much chance to process what has happened I run to his side silently and draw his sword and tuck it behind me in the clothe that holds my own sword. I hear his lungs fill with air in preparation to alert others to my presence but before any sound manages to leave his mouth I strike him in the throat. I recoil quickly after striking knowing that if he were to grab a hold of me I would be in fight for my life. He coughs and sputters and tries to yell to the other guards but only a rasp comes out. He now is in a fighting stance and is ready for my attack. I have the advantage because I am more accustomed to fighting in the dark but every moment I allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness is a moment I lose some of that advantage. I must act quickly. I run silently in his direction but right before he becomes aware of my position I leap in to the air, my hands and feet push against the walls and I suspend myself above his head. I hear his fist strike the air several times trying to find me.

He continues to cough lightly but refuses to leave his post in front of the door. I pull my blow gun from the waist of my clothes and toss it a few feet away. I hear the head of the samurai jerk in the direction of the sound. With the samurai still not moving I give up on stealth and let go of the walls nimbly removing the samurai’s helmet as I fall. Once on my feet I crouch to avoid several strikes the samurai throws into the air. Before he can regroup I stand and strike him in the temple with my elbow and catch him has he falls unconscious to the ground so that he doesn’t make a sound. I open the door in time to see a dark figure dressed like me standing in the middle of a poorly lit room. He is holding a dagger over a bed where I assume the man from the scroll is. with his hand already raised high, the dagger plummets down toward its soft unaware target. Half way down the hand recoils in pain from a sharp metal star that I manage to throw. A dozen figures emerge from the many shadowy places in the room and I know that I have made a dozen enemies.

With the same speed that had blown through the clearing earlier a flood of shadows rushes toward me. I struggle and strike deftly and must be forced to the floor in order to be contained by the small silent mob. The end will come soon and the last thing I will see and smell is the dusty wooden floor. I hear a man talk quietly but I cannot understand him, he speaking in a language I do not understand. I have failed…

I expect the end to come but instead a hand shakes me gently on the shoulder and I open my eyes. Suzy stands over me with an encouraging smile motions for me to follow her.

“Come on sleepy head” she says “it’s time for me to take you home”. I yawn and stretch then nod my head in acknowledgment. the shadows and ninjas fade away like any other dream.

“Ok” I say simply, too tired to think of anything more clever with which I could impress her with. I grab my back pack and shuffle after her. 

In the parking lot I see lots of cars in neat rows. Yellow light from lamp posts holds everything in a surreal glow that makes it seem almost dream-like. I kick lose pebbles and bits of tarmac as I swing my feet lazily as Suzy leads me to her car. As I follow her I wonder which car is hers. I see a cute little yellow car much to girly for my own taste and assume it is hers but we walk right past it. I make one wrong guess after another and decide to stop guessing. Eventually we get to the far end of the parking lot and she puts her key into an old pickup truck to unlock the driver’s side door. I walk over to the passenger’s side and she leans over to unlock my door. I pull myself up and in to the big truck and shut the door.

“Why do you park so far from the diner?” I ask as she pulls out

“The owner wants to save all the close parking for customers” she says shrugging. a few moments pass and all I can think of to say is

“Thanks again for giving me a ride”

“It’s fine, not a big deal, I know you live on this side of town but you’ve got to give me better directions” she says. I describe where my apartment complex is and sit through the remainder of the ride staring out the window. I don’t mind not feeling obligated to talk because I am so tired but at the same time I wish I had the energy to be more impressive.
eventually we pull in to the parking lot and up to my building. I grab my bag and open the door only to hear Suzy say unexpectedly
"hey, wait a moment"
I pause and turn toward her
"If I am going to be giving you rides it might make it more pleasant if we got to know each other" she begins 
"me and my friends are going to the school next weekend, you should come with us"
"sure" I shrug with awkward hesitancy
"of course you don't have to" she quickly adds
"no, it will be great. I was just caught a little of guard" I admit
"oh really, why is that?" she asks with what appears to be sincere curiosity. feeling tired and distracted I fail to censor my feelings before I speak.
"well, you being the prettiest girl in school I wouldn't think you would want to hang out with some one like me" I reply simply. the awkwardness hits me right after I finish the words 'like me'. I turn and look at her only to see a confused expression on her face. my stomach turns into a knot and I wish I was invisible.
"do you really think I am that stuck up?" she asks accusingly. I quickly try to salvage the situation and sputter and for what seems like an eternity before I close my eyes, the way you do when you expect something heavy to fall on your head, and I blurt out
"no, I just thought that you must have the pick of anyone to join you and your friends at the carnival, why would you ask someone as unimpressive as I am. that's all."
"oh Jake, you are more impressive then you realize. I mean you would rather hide the beating of a lifetime and risk another one rather than make your mom's life harder. its crazy, but impressive to say the least. In any case, I try to be nice to everyone if I can manage it even if they aren't impressive."
"well, thanks" I say thoughtfully, lowering my self out of the truck. right before I close the truck door she adds.
"Thanks for saying I was pretty" we both smile I close the door and she drives off.

Chapter 3 the mission episode: 7

my mind is in a daze and I have completely forgotten that Suzy is planning on talking with me after class.

"Jacob!" Suzy shouts as I leave the classroom
"what?" I respond obliviously
"don't you remember? I told you I would tell you what I've decided about telling your mom what happened after class. anyways I've decided not to tell your mom on one condition"
"what?"
"If when you come to the diner that late you wait until the end of my shift and let me give you a ride home. that way you won't have to worry about running into charlie" she says clearly impressed with her solution.

 I'm not sure what to say. I'm glad to take the ride but I don't like the idea of having to stay so long at the dinner each night but its probably worth not running into charlie. I could just think of a good route to avoid charlie on my way home and then I wouldn't have to wait at the dinner but then again Suzy is one of the prettiest girls in school so that wouldn't be so bad. I don't want to say something stupid which I am bound to do eventually if she is giving me rides all the time. Suzy sees that I am thinking about her offer so to speed up my decision process she adds

"If you don't want me to give you a ride then I'll have to tell your mom what happened something has got to be done... you look terrible Jake I don't want to see what you look like if this happens again."

"fine you can give me a ride home just don't tell my mom what happened." I say giving in to her threat.

"see you at the diner then!" she smiles and then walks off to her next class.

its great that her conscience is put at ease but I still have to figure out how to hide black eyes and bruises or at the very least come up with a convincing story to explain them with out her wanting to quit her new job. I try to wrack my brain for solutions as I go to what seems like class after endless class but nothing comes to mind. lunch eventually comes and I am so tired that I go to the nurses office to lie down instead of eating. the only thing keeping me at school is not wanting my mom to get the phone call from the school that notifies parents that their children did not attend their classes. I don't know how I would convince her that I feel okay, even if I don't, if she finds out I left school early.

I lay their dozing with an ice pack on my ribs feeling the first bit of slight relief since the day began. I have time to think. I have a few moments to try to make sense of everything. did my dream of stealing that flash drive really happen? if it did does Mr. Wagner remember it like I do? I roll over and grab back pack that sitting on the floor by one of the straps and pull it up to me and look inside just to make sure its there. there it is still glowing and humming quietly. I still have no idea what it is but its probably a good guess that if I have it the lady that gave me the mission to steal the flash drive will probably come looking for it or at very least for the flash drive.

do I have the flash drive? all I have seen from my dream since I've awoken is the device. I look through the pockets of my backpack. In the front pocket next to my own flash drive is the flash drive I stole.  I look at the clock on the wall. I have fifteen minutes left in my lunch period with which I could use to lay down and continue to ice myself but I get an idea and gather my things and head to the library. I place both flash drives into a computer and transfer all the files from the stolen flash drive to my flash drive and then delete the originals with the intent of giving an empty flash drive to who ever comes looking for it.

I finish up and remove the flash drives from the computer and return them to the front pocket of my back pack. the bell rings and I trudge off to class making my best effort to not let on to my teachers how much pain I'm in. the last thing I need is a note home. I manage to make my way from class to class without incident until 6th period, Mrs. Owens.

Mrs. Owens is a great teacher who actually cares about weather her students learn anything. I've always enjoyed her science class but I was not looking forward to attending her class today for one reason. if any teacher would care enough to notice how beat up I am and send a note home it would be her. before entering her class room I decide to go a few minutes late and check out the lost and found in the nurses office for some sunglasses to at least cover up my black eyes.

when I get to my science class everyone is still chatting while the teacher is writing something on the board so I am able to slip in and get to my desk with out being noticed.

"we are starting unit 3 in the textbook today on energy. we will be spending most of the rest of the year on this unit it will be broken up into three sections the first section will be the energy of motion" she says pointing at the bored where she has written the word kinetic. "the second section we will cover in this unit is on energy in waves" she says pointing to a bullet point on the board next to the words light and sound. "the final section will be on how flowing electrons behave she" says as she points to the last bullet point that says electricity.

She calls on volunteers to read the first few paragraphs in the text book so that we can familiarize ourselves with some of the basic concepts of the chapter. I can’t help but have my thoughts wander. I can’t shake the feeling I had when I saw that look of betrayal on Mr. Wagner’s face when he realized it was me that had been sent to steal from him. He seemed so disappointed so let down. Why did someone’s disappointment affect me so much when the someone who was disappointed was not a person who ever treated me well and never seemed to care? It is because the Mr. Wagner I stole from is not the same teacher who teaches me English. Were there two? Was it just a dream? I look in my backpack again just to make sure but the device just glows and hums softly. What is this thing anyways? It looks like a soccer ball from mars.

I decide to not wait for Mrs. Owens to notice my injuries or to become concerned and invite me to talk to her after class inevitably ending with her calling my mom and ruin my chances of convincing my mom to keep her job since that’s what she wants. I finish my work quickly and then ask to go to the bathroom. Mrs. Owens writes me a pass and doesn’t seem to notice that I take my backpack with me. I have no intention of going back to class even though its only ten minutes into the period so I make my way off campus. I head towards the diner since that’s where I was planning to go after school anyways but since I have so much time on my hands I decide to stop and take a rest under a tree just around the corner from the school.

My body feels heavy and the soft cool grass feels good to rest on. I remember how at the mansion I was not achy but here under the tree every inch of my body rings out with reminders of the night before and the beating I had endured. For a moment I remember the violent trauma I had received and allow the events to run through my mind after a few moments I realize my hands are shaking. I didn’t realize how it had all affected me. I became angry at myself for being so weak and at them for being so cruel. I stand up having become too agitated to rest no matter how much I want to. I pace back and forth for a few minutes. I become so angry and hurt that it’s hard not to feel alone. I shake my head and push the feelings away before tears form at the corners of my eyes.

I take in a slow deep breath and try to calm down. Feeling sorry for myself won’t do me any good. I decide to focus on the next thing I have to get done and push everything else out of my mind. Walking to the diner seemed like the next thing to do so I gathered myself and my things and started walking. I tried not to think anything; to just be calm and rest my mind. Too much was going on but I didn’t need to focus on the mess for every moment of the day. The sun was warm and the breeze that was blowing was cool and comfortable. It really was a beautiful day. I noticed a few squirrels across the street running around in circles running after each other. Their chase goes up into a tree and one of the squirrels jump from a far branch across an open gap and lands in another tree a few feet away. Whatever is the reason for this struggle of theirs it must be pretty important to them. As I walk I wonder if my struggle would seem as silly as the squirrels’ if I took a step back and looked at it from a different point of view. No matter how I look at it, it doesn’t become silly but I do manage to become more optimistic about the whole thing. It could have turned out worse and if I watch my step well enough it would never happen again.

I feel a lot better but anxiety starts to creep over me as soon as my mom’s diner is in sight. What am I going to tell her? I run through a list of convenient lies in my head after all that is what I was planning on doing, I was going to lie. I didn’t like the Idea of lying to my mom and risking the trust that has always defined our relationship but what else could I do to protect her from my mistake. If I had been paying attention to where I was going I wouldn’t have been jumped and my mom wouldn’t have any reason to worry. I pick a simple story to sell. I’ll say I fell down some stairs; that should explain all my injuries.

I open the door to the diner slowly not looking forward to the conversation ahead. All the tables are set with silverware wrapped in napkins, the napkin dispensers are polished and reflective with a salt and pepper shaker set beside each. No one is here. I walk across the linoleum that spans the distance from the door to the counter where the cash register is. My steps echo melodramatically. My chest feels tight with tension and the question floats through the back of my mind that asks is what I am planning to do the right thing, doesn’t she have a right to react to situation with all of the information. Before I manage to face the question out right someone comes out of the kitchen to help me.

“Hi, my name is Steve and I’ll be your host this afternoon.” He says. He shoves a menu in my hand and gestures for me to follow him to a table. “Here looks good” he points to a table and I sit down “I’ll be back in a minute to take your order” he says without even looking at me.

Just what I don’t want, more time to think about if I really want to lie; lying was the easiest thing to do, the quickest fix but somehow I know it is the wrong way to go about things even if I didn’t like the consequence. I can’t shake the feeling that I have to come clean and tell her what really happened. I sigh and decide to do things the hard way and give my conscience a break. Steve comes back with a pad and pencil.

“Alright what can I get for you to drink?” he asks

“Just water, but do you know if my mom is here? She is a new waitress with the last name laugherty.” I respond simply

“Um…” he says, thinking for a moment. “I don’t know I’ll go check” he leaves and disappears behind to swinging doors that lead into the kitchen. I wait for 30 minutes or so Just twiddling my thumbs and resting my eyes. Eventually Steve emerges again through the same swinging doors he had disappeared through a half an hour earlier.

“here you go” he puts a glass of water and a plate with a pork chop, mash potatoes and green beans in front of me.

“I didn’t order yet” I protest

“your mom ordered for you” he informed me “she also told me to give you this note” he pulled a folded piece of paper out of a pocket on his apron and handed it to me before walking away to help an elderly couple that had just walked in the door. I unfold the note and read.

Sorry Jake, I am fixing an inventory mess in the back. I know inventory isn’t my job but I want to impress the owner by fixing the problem before he comes in to night. So I don’t have time to say hi right now maybe later hopefully before you leave but if not I might see you in the morning. I ordered you something healthy. Make sure you eat all of your green beans. Love you!

At least I don’t have to face the uncomfortable situation I was afraid of facing today. I eat half my pork chop and green beans and make a sculpture of a lopsided castle with my mash potatoes. As I glance around at the now half full diner I notice that Suzy had started working some time ago without me becoming aware of her presence. The restaurant becomes gradually busier and Suzy doesn't come over to say hi. I secretly hope that she has forgotten that I promised to let her give me a ride home.  

Weather Suzy will remember to give me a ride or my mom decides to come out for two seconds to say hello and sees my battle wounds seems to mater less and less. Even my mash potato castle seems to not care enough to maintain its shape. I reconstruct the castle continuously for five minutes before I give up convinced that mashed potatoes were never meant to be a construction material.

I am so tired and my eyelids are so heavy I find it impossible hold them open. As I lay down in the booth I silently make the observation of how interesting it is that nothing seems to matter when I am as tired as I currently am. The last thought I have before losing consciousness is of the castle I built in my potatoes and how I wonder what castles look like in Japan...

Chapter 3 The Mission episode: 6

I sit on the floor quietly and decide to let the situation unfold instead of trying to wrap my mind around it.
"You haven't completed the mission... if you were going to let things go you shouldn't have accepted the mission in the first place. Your laziness has jeopardized the whole operation. We may have lost our window of opportunity. I have half a mind to have you pulled out."
When her lecture is done I remain quiet. I don't know what she's talking about and I'm not going to pretend like I do. Either she is authentic and has grabbed me by mistake or she is unstable, what ever the reason is working my way to the door and leaving sounds like a good plan. Almost as if she could tell I was beginning to plan my escape she turns on the light and leans on the door.

"I don't know what your talking about!" I exclaim out of exasperation and exhaustion "I don't know who you think I am, but I clearly am not them." She cuts me off with a wave of her hand and a look that could pierce steal

"I don't know what game you are playing and frankly I don't care, but if you don't complete the mission you will force me to take... uncomfortable measures." She says. it is clear from her tone of voice and body language that what ever measures she is referring to is uncomfortable enough for me to at least try to satisfy her demands even if she is crazy.

"What exactly is my mission?" I say diplomatically. Looking as though she is about to erupt like a volcano she takes a breath, sighs, clears the emotion from her face, and says:

"You were under orders to pose as one of Wagner's students until you are in a position to retrieve the plans for his dooms day weapon that sources say is on a flash drive which he keeps somewhere on his person at all times. You do this, you put into the right hands the information needed to make sure his plans don't succeed"

I get to my feet, nod and coolly respond "Well, I better get back to work then shouldn't I."
She steps out of my way and I enter the hall again. I make my way to the front office only to find that my being called to the office was the product of a clerical error and it was someone else that was needed. I walk back to class scratching my head about the lady I had met who seemed like a combination of a character from an old detective movie and a character from a spy movie. I finally make it back to class. I stand in front of the door for a split second and take a deep breath to prepare myself to fight the sedative quality of my English class.

 I open the door and step in but instead of my class room I stand in a mansion where some kind of party is going on; the kind of party I've only seen on TV, the kind where there are people who wear fancy suits with white gloves that serve food on silver trays. Needless to say I feel out of place and confused. I myself am wearing an expensive suit. with no recollection of changing my clothes or leaving the school I walk through the crowd of people, all of which seem to be very wealthy. Seated off to the side with a group of people who seem very interested in every syllable he is saying, is my teacher... Mr. Wagner though it seems odd; I have never quite seen him in this context dressed as he is. He sees me and beckons me to join them. With the words of the 'mission' going through my head I approach with plans formulating in my mind. Doomsday weapon? he didn't seem the type but then again he didn't seem the type to have people interested in the things he said but here was sitting down in a circle of people that seemed fascinated with his every word. I decide to play it by ear and see what happens as I sit down

"Jake!" Mr. Wagner shouts excitedly "its good to see one of my most promising pupils here at my home to celebrate with me"
 He stands up walks over to where I am sitting and pulls me to my feet and gesturing at me says this is Jake who wrote the paper we have been discussing on particle field shift variance. While it is clear that his writing skills are in need of work it is also clear that he has found some insight into these concepts that is quite stirring." turning to me he smiles and says "Its good to see you"
He gives me a hug and returns to his seat. I am stunned the Mr. Wagner I know is stand offish, emotionally distant, and passionately offensive, but this man who looked and sounded like Mr. Wagner was very different.

"Jake, now that your here why don't you tell us more about your paper yourself and how you got the idea of wave modulation being the reason for the variance in certain particle fields."

I need to think of something and I need to think of it quickly. Obviously I'm not the person they think I am but if I am going to complete the 'mission' I need to avoid letting down the expectations of these people especially Mr. Wagner since it would probably worked to my advantage to maintain what ever false trust I can if I don't want to be kept at a distance.

"Instead of rehashing an amateurish take on an old concept why don't you tell us the reasoning behind your paper you recently published?" I say with the best acting in my life, and though everything I have went into the performance I have no Idea if it fooled anyone for a split second before Mr. Wagner responds

"You have a new paper?" a gentlemen with a top hat and mustache asks intrigued, "You must tell us the thesis that you chose." All around the group is an echoing wave of agreement with the gentlemen's sentiment. 


"Alright, while I don't agree with my students reference to his paper being amateurish I will concede and explain my thesis to you all." Mr. Wagner says. A waiter comes by with a tray full of drinks. I grab one.


"Before you do may I interject for one moment?" I ask with a hopeful expression on my face. He pauses then responds simply:


"By all means, what is it that you have to say?"


"I propose a toast" I announce fearlessly. Everyone response favorable and raises their own glasses.
"I propose a toast to professor Wagner for all he has offered to the field of physics in his long career." I walk over to where he is sitting and face the group with my hand on his back "To the professor and all the benefits the world has yet to see from his work!"  


"Here here!" they all say loudly. 


An over whelming tickle explodes out of my nose in a loud sneeze. In an awkward spasm I spill my drink on Mr. Wagner.


"I am so sorry!" I quickly say. He brushes at his coat as though the accident were a minor annoyance and smiles.


"Excuse me while I go change." he says to everyone in the group then he turns to me and says "Thank you for the toast, it was lovely." 


I follow him and continue to apologize "I'm so sorry I don't know where the sneeze came from I don't even have allergies I..."


"Its fine its fine really don't think twice about it" he says cutting my off in my apologetic rambling "its really fine I take no offence"


"I Just don't want you to think poorly of me for being so clumsy and careless" I say.


"Of course I don't think poorly of you for a simple accident. I am not so harsh as to hold such a minor thing against you, really go back to the party and enjoy yourself" he responds carefully. 
By this point we are half way up the stairs heading to his room where I am sure he is going to change. If what the lady said was right the flash drive with the weapon plans is somewhere on his person then him changing would be the perfect opportunity to get it from him with out him noticing. I just need to stay by his side until he gets to his door so I know which room is his but how much longer can a draw out my apology?


"I hope you don't think of me as insecure for pursuing  this apology as I have done I guess I just value your opinion of me." I say the words having a funny taste in my mouth as I remember what Mr. Wagner usually is like and how under any other circumstances I would never have said those words.


"Jake you should place greater value on how you see yourself than on how others see you. how do you see yourself?" he asks 


"I guess I see myself as a good student" I say trying my best to say things that would make sense in this context


"A good student? you are a brilliant student! With the potential of being one of the greatest minds of our time! I think you have some reason to think more highly of yourself. It makes sense now why you referred to your paper as being amateurish." He says stopping halfway across the upper landing at the top of the stairs on the second floor. "You need to see yourself as you are and when you do it won't matter what anyone thinks of you because you'll like what you see or you won't and nothing anyone says can change that. Shakespeare said it best 'to thine own self be true' words to live by so chin up, be happy, and be true."


"That's great advice I say." I say trying to show a hopeful positive expression on my face when all I am thinking is keep walking. He was still stopped half way across the second floor landing and if he doesn't keep walking I won't know which room is his and I don't know how on earth to continue the conversation; especially since I don't need the cheering up he is giving me. I decide to walk forward to see if he follows and continues toward his room but he stays where he is and I now must turn to face him to avoid the awkwardness of him talking to my back. I am now blocking him with nothing to say but


"Well I am grateful for the advice professor and I will try to follow it, I'm sorry again about spilling my drink on you." I turn away and head toward the stairs. I here him sigh and mumble something and then start heading down one of the hallways. I peek over my shoulder just as he disappears around a corner. I turn and rush in that direction as quietly as I can and look down the hallway. I see a pair of large double doors close and I assume it is Mr. Wagner going through them. I run down the hallway and open a much smaller door next to what I imagine is the door to Mr. Wagner's  bedroom I find myself in a small office with a table covered in papers next to some filing cabinets and some other miscellaneous objects of which I pay no attention to because I found what I am looking for: the window. 


Without delay I open the window and climb out on the ledge. Without thinking I jump and grab unto a drainpipe and jump again farther then I can ever remember jumping but I miss the balcony to which I was aiming and land on the balcony below. I climb up as fast as I can urge my muscles to climb to the balcony above me and pear in through an open window between a crack where two curtains part and I see Mr. Wagner carefully pull something out of the inside breast pocket of his jacket and set it on a table. I can't see clearly through the gap in the curtains but I am convinced that it is the flash drive. But how do I get him away from it long enough for me to grab it? 


A narrow ledge beneath an adjacent window provides a surface just big enough for a toe hold. Before I have time to think about the distance below or the likely hood of my falling I have already jumped and am clinging to the frame of the window. I slide the unlocked window open and enter a bathroom. I open the door a crack and see that this bathroom is connected to the bedroom, and I need to create a diversion big enough to cause Mr. Wagner to leave his room without the flash drive. I grab some rubbing alcohol out of the medicine cabinet and stuff a rag in it I find under the sink. There is a lamp on a little table near the sink. I unplug the lamp and pull the wires out of the back. I strip the ends and then plug it back in I touch the ends of the bare wires together and get a large spark I hold them to the rag and touch them together there is a pop and it bursts into flames I put it in the sink and climb out the window jump back to the balcony and look through the curtains into his bedroom.

 The flash drive is still on the table and he seems to be texting someone. He stops and sniffs the air and looks around the room he sees a glow in the bathroom and then runs to see what it is. There is a crash and some rustling. I dive through the window like the balcony is trying to bite me, I roll across the floor and tumble almost knocking into the table but  I stop just before. I snatch the flash drive and slither under the bed before he emerges from the bathroom, his eyebrows slightly singed and a very confused look is on his face. He sees that the flash drive is missing and he freezes before sitting in a chair and burying his face in his hands.

He leaves the room and I am left in outstanding silence. I don't really know what I've done, I only know that it's the mission I've been given to take the flash drive. Do I really know whats on here? I think as I hold the flash drive in front of my face. All I know is that when that man put his face in his hands I felt a lack in conviction In what I was doing and here in the silence I twinge with sympathy and regret. I move from under my bed to my feet and leave through the bedroom door. Before I get more then a few steps down the hallway a hand is placed on my shoulder. My spirit shrinks as I here a familiar voice.

"I never would have guessed that my pupil would be the one they would send." The voice of Mr. Wagner wafts painfully to my ears in the tone of a disappointed old friend. I don't say anything. there is nothing to say. I'm not who he thinks I am, I'm sure he is not the teacher that I know, and what I'm sure he thinks I did I have done. I cannot think of any words that would not butcher the situation or offend him but for some reason I turn to look at him and say the only true thing I can.


"I am sorry"


"I want you to have something" he says holding out a strange object. It's spherical and metallic with small circular windows. A faint glow and a low hum emit from the center of the object. "This is what is on those plans, I don't know what they told you it does but I guarantee it was not true." He says  pushing it into my hands "look at the plans you are my best student you will understand them then see for yourself what it does before you decide who you give this to or what you do with it." I take the device look down and away and then nod. I walk away and down the stairs. As I continue towards the exit everything becomes very dark and I start to ache all over rather severely. When things become completely dark I open my eyes I didn't know were closed. My head is on my desk in my English class and Mr. Wagner is back to his obnoxious old self attempting to teach minor grammar rules in the worst way possible. 


I am back and my whole body aches as a reminder of how distant my dreams are and how real what happened in the park was. I strain my body and sit up straight. The clock indicates that class is almost over. I stair at my teacher and only see the contrast from how he was in my dream. Why can't he be like that? Why can't he be caring, intelligent, helpful, kind, or even remotely useful. It seemed to me that that if the two Mr. Wagner's were connected then there must be something holding this one back. I brush the thought away realizing how ridiculous to think my dream has any reflection on reality. 


The bell rings. I grab my stuff and shove it into my backpack, but there is something taking up a lot of room I can barely fit my things in there. I put my backpack on my desk so I can more easily see inside. There inside my backpack staring me in the face is something spherical and metallic with small circular windows. A faint glow and a low hum emit from the center of the object. I can't believe my eyes. I blink and sputter before zipping up my backpack and following the herd of students outside of the classroom. I am blank faced and confused more confused than I have ever been. The device from my dream is in my backpack.

chapter 2 a walk in the dark episode: 5

A parade of bad dreams I won't remember dances through my mind like a Mary-go-round. Warmth permeates into my pours and waking thoughts as I come up to the surface now and then, before falling fast asleep again and again. I don't move for hours after waking up the final time. I don't know what time it is. I have no access to natural light or a clock. I don't know if it is day yet or for that matter how long I had slept. My body feels impossibly heavy. I try to roll to one side in order to more easily get to my feet. I take in a quick breath in answer to a pain in my ribs that scolds me for attempting to get up. I roll again to my back and rest for a while more before working up the strength and courage to try again.

I receive the same scolding again but I don't give in. I get to my feet. I reach over and turn off the shower that by this time had nothing but frigid water left. I open the door to the bathroom and peer into the dark hall. I turn off the bathroom light. I put my right hand on the wall to guide me down the dark hallway to my room. The blinds on my window are down but the slats are adjusted so that light comes into the room. The pale greenish blue light diplomatically offers the evidence of the nearing dawn. I get dressed slowly. I feel like I’m made of glass, everything hurts.

 I go back to the bathroom. I see in the mirror that blood is still on my face, dried and caked on with mud from the night before. I gently scrub my face with a wash cloth. Little by little my face becomes revealed from behind its former mask. I see for the first time how pink and swollen my face is. There are dark circles below my eyes and my hair has dirt and grease in it from not bathing. I clean off my arms of the dried mud and dirt that is still on them and go into the kitchen. I grab a paper sack off the kitchen counter that has a not on it. The note says sorry honey, I would have said good night but when I got home you were taking a shower and I fell asleep before you were done. I made your lunch like I always do. Your key is on your desk DON'T FORGET YOUR KEY I won't be home to let you in this time. 

The note is signed with love from mom and punctuated with little smiley faces. I am relieved that mom already left work and doesn't get a chance to see my transformed appearance. I look at the clock on the oven and see that it is ten ‘till seven and I will have to start walking in order to get to school on time. I gingerly pull on a sweat shirt and go retrieve my key before walking out the door. I lock the door behind me and stare down the stairs that seem to stare right back at me in defiance. No matter how they look at me these stairs are not going to win! I take one step at a time and one by one conquer them all. I am dry and warm. I look at the path, the same path I walked last night. I was cold, wet, and beaten but now I was warm, dry, and sore. It seems almost surreal; it was as though I was taking a tour of an old unpleasant memory.

Everything becomes brighter as the horizon catches fire. The flames of an early sunrise lick the sky with blazing oranges and yellows. the morning's glow infects the sky and removes any hint of the night before. Everything is soggy and slick but beginning to dry out with the sun's help. I head straight for my 1st period English class. my first period has not only not started despite the snail’s pace I had walked at on the way to school but the door was still locked. There is a group of my classmates forming outside of the door around me waiting for the bell to ring and the door to open.

 My body still aches and my legs are sore. I would welcome the chair at my desk just so I can rest my feet and my back. I have to make the best of it. I stand there as still as I can and don't talk to know one. My plan to not talk to anyone is formulated from the hope that if no one talks to me then no one will get close enough to bump into my incredibly sore self. Suzy Thompson, the one I had never said two words to before I saw her at the diner and mom corrected my order right in front of her, it was that Suzy Thompson that comes up to me and says

"What happened? You look terrible." I look over and see that the door shows no sign of opening so I gesture to Suzy to fallow me a few paces away from the crowed of students waiting in front of our class room for the 1st period bell to ring. She nods and follows me until I feel we won't be listened to.

"Suzy... please don't tell my mom you saw me like this" I plead

"She doesn't know? It’s kind of hard to miss."

"She got off late and left early we didn't really see each other after I left the diner."

"I can't promise I won't tell her unless you have a good reason for me not to. What happened to you anyway?"

"I was jumped by a gang last night when I cut through Gibson Park on my way home."

"Gibson Park?" Suzy asked with a sympathetic look in her eyes that made me melt. I nod gently.

"Charlie Vandigriff, It's his gang that lurks around there. I'm sorry you ran into those creeps" she says in a tone that seems to reprove Charlie regardless of the fact he is not there to hear it.

"Just don't tell my mom"

"Why don't you want her to know? She is going to find out eventually. What, are you going to try to avoid her until your face isn't puffy and swollen? Because if you are, that is ridiculous"

"My mom just got the job at the diner. It’s her third job but it gives her piece of mind; more security, plans for the future, and I don't want to take that from her. If she finds out I was jumped on the way home from the diner she will quit and go right back to worrying about what bills to pay this month." Suzy looked at me thoughtfully with a conflicted expression. It was clear that she trying really hard to come to a decision. The bell rang and the door to Mr. Wagner's class room opened and with it came the stench of grammar. Suzy looks at the door and then back to me and says.

"I'll let you know after class" she then follows the flood of students funneling into the door. I don't try to fight the crowd, instead I wait until everyone is in the classroom and then walk over, in order to prevent my being nudged and jostled. I take a seat In front because all the desks toward the back of the room are taken up. I sit patiently and hope that I will be able to stay awake. If I fall asleep in the front row there is no chance that Mr. Wagner is not going to notice.

I sit up straighter in my chair then my usually posture though not to a notable straightness. I am much to sore to slouch or to sit with my back as flexed and stiff as a board. I was really too sore to do anything but lay prostrate on a flat surface with preference for my own bed but even then I knew I would ache. I was questioning my decision of showing up today; even secret agents get a day off, at least the ones in my day dreams do.

Mr. Wagner shuffles some papers at his desk during. students talk and chatter. The giggles and gossip of thirty freshmen and a few repeating sophomores caries on at a low roar until Mr. Wagner sets his papers down, stands, and walks to the center of the room. He coughs in his hand intrusively, loud enough so that everyone is keen to the warning call and quiets or silences their conversations.

"Excellent" Mr. Wagner says in a thick Russian accent

"Here is a no brainier, what is excellent?" he asks raising his hand as if to signal participation. A boy with long hair who I have known since 7th grade raises his hand. Mr. Wagner's eyes dim with an indiscreet lack of confidence in his shaggy students answer.

"Walter, what is excellent?"

"I think, the wonderful waves in our little slice of paradise are... well, EXCELLENT!" Walter says shouting the word excellent in his over pronounced and questionably authentic surfer accent.

"No" Mr. Wagner says promptly rolling his eyes and shaking his head. Walter has a hurt look on his face obviously taking the teachers prompt rejection of his enthusiasm, as a declaration of the non-excellence of the waves in half moon bay California.

"No, that is not what excellent is" he says making the disappointment and lack of surprise drip from every rejecting syllable. Marjory, who was one of the most passionately obvious kiss ups that may have ever graced the earth, raises her hand. The teacher's face lights up with a blatantly sarcastic and falsely eager tone then says with a matching tone

"Marjory, I'm sure you know the answer" he nods with an insulting smile and waits

"You are excellent Mr. Wagner" she says beaming! while Marjory's brand of flattery won over the hearts of a few of her teachers Mr. Wagner has yet found himself to be among their ranks. He was not impressed and seemed to be gratified in his sarcasm

"No" he says. Marjory's countenance falls along with her gaze which is now planted firmly on her desk.

"No, this is ridiculous! Have you all conspired to have me die of frustration before my time, you all will be the death of me! Excellent is an adjective! It’s an adjective! Is that really so hard?" he says seeming to bubble over like a pot of potatoes that has the burner turned up to high.

 He pauses and brings himself to a simmer. He dives into a lecture on adjectives and adjective phrases and something to do with punctuation but I am not really paying attention. It is clear he does his best not to solicit any participation from the class. Part way through the period Mr. Wagner gives directions to an in class assignment he is about to pass out. Its a worksheet that goes along with our grammar books. My already drooping eye lids mourn at the very concept behind the assignment. He places papers on each desk and quickly comes to my desk.

 He rears back and a noise escapes his mouth

"Ooo eeuuuogh, your face is repulsive" I just look back at him with an expression intending to communicate my unpleasant feelings toward him. My face being as pained as it is, it is difficult to form the expression I end up looking queasy. I am not frustrated because I figure how he makes me feel and queasiness isn’t all that different. I sit amused with this thought before flipping through the pages of my grammar text book listlessly avoiding the assignment as covertly as possible.

Time ticks on. my eyes become harder and harder to keep open. I try actually doing the assignment with the thought that doing something more than staring off into space while and flipping pages might help me stay conscious. the worksheet is simple. For a few minutes it works. My eyes follow each line. My pencil scribbles enduringly. my focus keeps me awake but Gradually the benefits of my new strategy become less Impacting. I now struggle not only to keep my eyes open but to keep my pencil from streaking long lines across my paper every time my eyes close and my hand slips.

 Eventually my best efforts fail and my eyes close. My mind seems to suspend itself as if it were a member of space ship's crew that have to freeze themselves to reach the destination of some far distant planet without having to age or experience the years it takes to get there. I had seen a movie where the characters did that. I feel like the way my mind feels must be how the characters would have felt if they had been real. I knew that time was passing but it felt like it was passing around me, not catching me in its current.

I open my eyes. I am not nearly as tired or sore. I look at my hands; flip them over and over in front of me. Was this my body? The strangest feeling is not being sure of the answer. I look around me. All of my classmates are studying apart from a select few who have finished, Marjory being one of them. Static fizzles on the intercom a few times. A voice echoes out.

"Can you please send Jacob Laugherty to the front Office" Mr. Wagner seemingly annoyed by the interruption hits the intercom button forcefully and says

"fine!" he waves for me to come and take a pass from him. I do as he indicates and walk to his desk, he waves me off like I'm a shoe fly trying to land and take a bite out of his arm. I take the note and ignore his emphatic gestures. 

I walk out of the classroom and walk down the hall. When I get to the end I pause at the bulletin board where all the flyers of the upcoming events and other events were always posted. It was a chaotic collage of colored paper. I lose interest after a few moments and continue on my way. I come close to the front doors of the school. the air is cold because the doors are open. It is raining again. I remember the night before. I am dazed and lost but I shake the feeling and try to put yesterday out of my mind. I lean on a wall for a few moments. I close my eyes and try to relax and breathe for a moment. 


Arms reach out of the shadows of an empty classroom and grab me. I blink and flail. I am surprised. I try to wiggle free. I am pulled inside by someone I can't see. I try to crane my neck around to try to see the face of whomever I am wrestling with, hoping with all my heart it’s not Charlie or Anthony. Once he pulls me In I am shoved to the floor. I roll over to get a glimpse of who he is. In the light that flows in from the hallway I see that the 'he' I had thought shoved me to the ground was in fact a 'she'.


 She wore a suit and tie with a trench coat and matching fedora. She closes the door behind her quickly.

"You haven't completed the mission” she says in the now very dark, nearly pitch black, room.

chapter 2 a walk in the dark episode: 4

Anthony was in my grade ever since I can remember. kindergarten, elementary, middle school, and now freshmen year of high school.  In kindergarten Anthony was nice in fact we were pretty good friends. In the rest of elementary Anthony became more and more confident until he was darn right pushy. In middle school he crossed the line and hurt a lot of people who cared about him. He would say things that would make you shake your head in disgust and any sympathy you might have for him, would be squashed every time he would start a fight with someone half his size. Near the end of eighth grade he started hanging out with some very dangerous people. I did not see him all summer or even much of the school year up to this point. I see him here and there but we don't share any classes. Our paths while occasionally parallel have never crossed.

Anthony has a red bandanna tide around his head and the guys that stand next to him I recognize as gang members that went to my school. The game has changed again and I know its not my lunch money I should worry about. there is a sharp feeling of danger in the air. my heart races. my tongue feels twice as big as normal and I'm pretty sure that even if I had anything to say it would come out in a mess. I breathe in deeply. Each inhale and exhale is broken up into several pieces by powerful and frantic pounds of my heart against my rib cage.
"Your out kind of late aren't you" says one of the gang standing to the immediate left of Anthony
"Your right I should be getting home" I say much more intelligibly then I previously thought possible. I start walking toward the trees with every muscle tensing out of fear. a hand of one of them rests on my shoulder with a grip that seems to have the power to drain someone of all hope. I turn around and again look at the face of the one who had stopped me. I summon courage from some forgotten part of myself and make direct eye contact with him.
"When you pass through this part of town this late you have to pay a toll. The toll is the exact amount of everything you have in your wallet." after he finishes speaking I scramble through my pockets to find my wallet. I find it and toss it to him with out hesitating. He opens it and looks at the cash pocket in the back and sees there is only one dollar. He throws the wallet down into the mud with a look of disappointment and frightening optimism.
"I was wrong. it seems that you don't have nearly enough. This is a shame. You have disrespected me and my friends by coming here with out a decent amount of money. We are going to have to teach you respect." he steps forward. I fall down with out him even touching me. they all laugh. he grabs my shirt and says
"Here, let me help you stand up" he puts me on my feet and slaps me hard with one hand but keeps me from falling with his other hand's tight grip on my shirt. My face stings and burns. He punches me in the gut and holds me upright for a moment before letting me fall to the muddy earth. I writhe in pain and try to find my breath. He turns to his cohorts and says simply
"Do you know why he is not fighting back?" they all shake their heads or mumble no or other wise grunt to communicate they don't know the answer.
"It is because he is too frightened to" he pauses for a moment.
"And that is a very good thing" he crouches down to where I lay curled up and says so I can hear him clearly over the rain that was coming down very hard at this point.
"Because if he did fight back, I would kill him" he grabs me by the shirt again but only pulls me half way up. He kicks me in the face. Blood sprays out of my nose like a faucet. I clutch my face and groan loudly. My face is erupting with more pain then I can handle and rain camouflaged tears fill my eyes. It gets suddenly colder and thunder and lightening crack and boom. The rest is a blur of kicks from all of them as they circled around me, a helpless heap of blood and mud.

 I do not know how long I lay there cold and defeated but eventually I regain some portion of awareness. My body is a confusing mixture of pain and numbness. I will become seriously sick if I continue to lay here in this severely cold rain. I sit up and slowly get to my feet. the park is empty. the street lamps that had once lit the park are dark. the only light comes from the street lights back on the road or from the frequent flashes of lightning that cascade over everything I can see. going back to the road and facing any possibility of seeing them again was to overwhelming to enter my mind for more then a second. I face the woods, knowing I will have to climb down and up the walls of the gully on the other side of the trees with a badly bruised and broken body. It seems almost a comfort compared to the road.

I limp and shuffle holding my sides with crossed arms until I pierce the line of trees at the edge of the park. It is dark and wet, but the trees even with nearly bare limbs seem to have sympathy for me. The scanty but welcome shelter of the branches decreases the rain to a medium tempo. I am reminded of the intensity of the storm with each illuminating flash of lighting and each time water is dumped on my in the bare spots where no branches have grown. I continue my labored journey through the woods. Another of the reoccurring flashes almost blindingly brings every detail into sharp focus.

 I see a figure dart behind a tree. I fall to my knees and fight back the overwhelming sobs that threaten to flood from me. I whimper and cry knowing I can't do anything against who ever it is I saw. I am too defeated to be afraid. another flash and another time I see the figure dart behind another tree. I set myself on my side and rest. I'm to tired to support myself on my knees. the figure comes from out of his hiding place and walks toward me in the darkness. I just watch to see the events unfold how ever they will. lighting strikes dangerously close. I see the stranger, he is dressed in all black with his head wrapped in a clothe of some kind.

I'm filled with a fury toward myself. I am looking at a ninja. there was only on explanation, I am day dreaming. I slowly get to my feet. I am delirious and filled with heavy frustration and wounds that are far more deep then the bruises, and possibly broken ribs.
"ahhhh" I yell at the figment "Ahhhh" I yell again "Why are you here?! Why now?! Why..." I shout and trail off.

Am I so far gone, so delirious that I'm haunted by my useless imagination? I think to myself. Am I in shock? Just ignore him, no mater how much you want to yell at him just ignore him... Ignore it. I walk forward and try to walk through the apparition. When I come close enough I put out my hand with the intention of It passing through first. I come in contact with a very solid chest. "Ahhhh" I yell for the third time "You're not real!" I push but it does not move "Your not real! So move out of my way!" after a few secants of it not moving I walk around it and continue on toward the gully.

It is dark and wet, but the trees even with nearly bare limbs seem to have sympathy for me. The scanty but welcome shelter of the branches decreases the rain to a medium tempo. I am reminded of the intensity of the storm with each illuminating flash of lighting and each time water is dumped on me in the bare spots where no branches have grown. I continue my labored journey through the woods. Another of the reoccurring flashes almost blindingly brings every detail into sharp focus.

I see the edge of the gully. I prepare myself in hopes that when I come close enough to climb down, I will have the mental energy to even attempt it. Im not certain I've succeded in that effort when I finnally reach it but regaurdless, I get down on my hands and knees do what needs to be done. I crawl backwards down the steep muddy slope. I do my best to stay steady with my numb and nearly useless hands. I use a large stone planted into the mud as a foot hold to lower myself down.

 the stone holds my weight just long enough for me to missplace my trust.  It dislodges from the mud and I roll down the unforgiving face of the hill. Rocks and sharp brambles cut my skin and bruise me much worse then Im sure I can feel through the cold. Water is flowing ankle deep through the bottom of the gully. I do my best to get to my feet before I become too exhausted. My feet feel like inarticulate flopping stubs on the ends of my legs. I balance and walk as well as I can across the rocky bottom. walking in betwen weed covered mounds and grassy low spots. I try to zig zag and outline the most level parts of the gully floor.

I progress carefully untill I reach the other imposing slope of the gully. Im sure I can't climb it. I walk parallel to the slope. I hope I can find a shallow incline to walk up. eventually I find one after a long search. I walk up to the top. through the shallow of the remaining trees I see the same patch of land with no grass I had walked along earlier that day. The shopping cart still there, upside down, and the graffitied bridge with its comforting familiarity. The stream that runs underneath the bridge is now rushing powerfully. I walk across the bridge to the complex I live at. The rain is starting to lighten to a drizzle.

 I dig through my pockets to find my key but wether I have forgotten it or my hands don't have enough feeling left to sense it in my soaked pockets I cant tell. I can't find my key. I crawl up the steps with an almost obsesive determination. When I reach the top I lean my back against the door and am thankful to be home even if I'm not inside. I feel safe. I don't feel lost anymore. I don't have to walk any further. I'm done. I close my eyes and rest for a long time. I feel as though I could sleep for days. A cold wind blows and my soaked clothes slap my body. I shiver more violently then I had been and I have no hope of even resting my eyes.

I see a decerative metal rabit and in desperation I grab it with my clumsy hands intending on braking the lock on the door, or at least attempt to. as I turn half way around I see a gimmar. I had left my key stuck in the front door! I use all my strength to grip the key with both hands, trying to squeeze out the last bit of hand strength I have left to open the door. It clicks and swings open. I imediatly walk in and shut the door. I grab a quilt off the couch and head for the bathroom, strip off my wet clothes, and wrap myself in the quilt. I turn on the shower as hot as I can so that steam will fill the room. I let myself collapse on the bathroom floor and I fall asleep.

ch 1 ships and capes: episode 3

the sun is low in the sky. I put my hands in my pockets because its getting colder. I wind through the streets. I see shops different businesses in my periphery. I walk with my head down and I stare at the side walk pass underneath me. the lines of where the different slabs of concrete came together on the side walk start at the top of my line of sight and disappear under my feet. I play a little game and try to put my foot in the same spot on each section of side walk. The sections are too big and my steps are too small. my steps rotate between landing on the top of each square to landing near the bottom line that divides each slab. I'm put into a trance by the regular pattern of my steps and my mind is almost completely blank for several moments.

The sun is completely below the horizon. The orange glow that usually fills the sky in the late afternoon has faded into purple while I am distracted by the side walk. Little pin pricks sprout above me that shine and sparkle happily. I hear cars pass on the road next to me. I stop and look around me.
"Darn it!" I say out of pure frustration a little louder then I intend to.

I turn around and start to back track to correct some wrong turns. I look at my watch and it becomes painfully clear I had been walking in the wrong direction for that last twenty minutes. I decide to head to the park with the Idea of of cutting across and saving time. I would have to walk through a grove of trees that was overridden with weeds and Ivy that flowed into a gully. I know I'll end up with stickers in my socks and be spooked by the spidery fingers that creep along every surface that will hold a shadow. there was a lot of branches that spring hadn't provided green for yet and they still had eerie silhouettes.

I fight the force of gravity on my chin and don't stare at the ground. this choice is made from newly acquired wisdom regarding the attention I pay to where I wind my path. It it is a ways until I'll be able to even see the park and with my complicated and extended route ahead of me I reflect on mom's 'big news'. That she shared with me. The selfless and forming adult inside of me knows that this is great news because of the financial security and quality of life it will bring. The same part of me knows we are able to adapt to this knew situation. The selfish not yet formed adult inside of me would gladly trade financial security to have my mom around more then one day a week. To that side of me it seems unfair, it seems to much to ask. mom and I are close, I could depend on the consistent advice and encouragement not to mention letting me in our apartment when I forgot my key. The selfless forming adult had the final rebuttal, it was what she wanted. How could I not reciprocate the encouragement and support she had always given me?


I'm conflicted but resigned to be positive. My mind drifts from one thought to another in search of something to think about that takes less determination to be positive about. I catch a glimpse of a comic book shop. There are several posters of superheros in dramatic poses, most of them with equally dramatic muscles etched into their costumes. They are larger then life. there is an undeniably epic quality to them. the thought slows my pace.

I look down on a clean vibrant metropolitan city from my perch on top of a sky scrapper. I hear the rustle of a cape flapping in the wind behind me. I glory in the suns warmth and close my eyes to let my face bathe in the light. my eyes snap open. I leap from the top of the building and fall faster then a bullet. the ground comes hurling towards me. I hope and will the ground to not hit me and some how I slow down and land gracefully on my feet. cars are scattered in unnatural positions some of them smashed. car horns blare and tires screech.

I'm not sure what to think. I feel strong and confident. I walk forward into the midst of the mayhem and watch with curious eyes at a cloud of dust that floats patiently. despite all the wreckage it begins to be quiet. most of the people had managed to stampede away all the cars rest peacefully on side walks or are stacked precariously on each other. it was odd and out of place. Every detail screams that something bad is about to happen but I don't know what to do or where to go or if i should go. The best I can do Is watch and wait for whatever is going to happen to happen. The dust is beginning to clear but it is still thick and coarse in the air.

I clench my hands into fists and I feel my fingers curl into the rock hard muscle in the palm of my hands. There is a blur that pokes a giant whole through the dust and knocks me down. it is too fast to see. dazed and confused I do my best to stand up. Everything is spinning and I cant get my eyes to focus. After a few seconds my eyes focus. I dust my self off and look up to sky. Laughter streams into the air echoing off of buildings all around me. I try to determine where its coming from but seems to come from every direction I look. I see a blur and throw a wild punch into the air in front of me hoping to hit something but I only make contact with air. suddenly its hard to breath and I clutch my stomach and choke and cough from an unseen blow to my middle. As strong as I feel I can't seem to accomplish anything. I know I need to succeed. Somehow I just sense its my duty to but it seems almost impossible. I stumble back and am helpless against a barrage of blows. I manage to cover my face with my arms. my abdomen aches and screams for mercy until... silence.

I open my eyes and there standing in front of me is a man. He has hair as black as night combed neatly to the side. I look deep into his eyes that are sagging and dark from lack of sleep. My mind flies in every direction with out settling on a single thought. a smile comes to the corner of his mouth that seems to draw every shadow.
"If this is the best earth has to offer then I don't Imagine it will take long for the rest to fall" he says kicking small pile of dust and fragments of rubble.

I look at him in amazement. It seems so impossible like it is some distant scene that has nothing to do with me. So I look at it from a distance. I remove myself from all of the fear and hurt. I remove myself from the rubble and the looming defeat. The details of it all sets into me, along with a greater resolve. I stand up straight with my shoulders square. I tighten fists. I feel my strength flow up my arms into my shoulders and down into my aches that seem now to be fading into the background.

He stands there in front of me unimpressed and chuckling darkly. There is a moment that we share where he seems to gloat and wait. I leap forward and close the short distance between us and strike into dead air where he had been standing. I turn as fast as I can and I see him there on I try again and grip a hand full of nothing. I close my eyes and take in a quick breath. A flash illuminates my mind and I remember the few moments I had spent in free fall from the top of the building I had perched myself on top of. I had somehow landed perfectly simply by willing it. I will myself off the ground but nothing happens.

a sharp pain explodes up my side but somehow I find the strength to not curl up. another blur floods my peripheral vision and bursts into the side of my face like a broken dam. pain washes over me as I fall to the ground. shiny floating wisps swim in the air. the man in the green and black suit stands over me. is this the end? when I feel so strong? I look up at the sky and remember William shanks and my day dream on my ship burnt sails and all. With all the danger of a fire burning squid I had always known what to do. I longed for the simplicity of more familiar dramatics. A villainous black boot plants its self on my chest but I don't break my stare away from the sky. I will my self into the sky and then, before I can process my actions, I throw the foot from me. I expertly move my feet underneath myself and launch myself into the air. Every moment I know I should be falling. Everything I know tells me I should fall but I keep going higher. The clouds rush over my skin. I feel and smell the cool mist before I stop.

What changed? What is different about this attempt from the one before? It is not obvious to me. what ever the difference Is it isn't in the neon letters i need it to be. I look down passed my perpetually suspended feet at the city below, passed the towering hight of the impressively built buildings below. In their shadow is chaos and an unfinished battle that only I can fight. I have to come down. I will my self to the scene of destruction I have just left. Immediately I begin to sink into a free fall with my nose facing the ground. I understand what I need to do. I will the ground to come towards me as hard as I can. A tremendous burst of speed  launches me faster then I could have imagined. I will the ground away from me almost to late. The dust for miles is thrown into the air. I stop with my feet in a slight creator but firmly on the ground.

I meet my opponent again in the cloud of dust I have just tossed up. All that I can see of him is an obscure silhouette. I know what is coming. having been on the receiving end of a thousand punches and kicks I can't see any other outcome then one. there is going to be a blur and then an excruciating pain. This time will be different I think to my self. I'm not even sure in the slightest but I had a theory. I didn't fly up when I willed myself to fly. I flew up when I willed myself to be closer to the sky. It was the same when I landed, I willed the ground away and I slowed and stopped.

My theory is that instead of willing myself to go faster I will, will the man in the green and black suit  to slow down and maybe in response I will speed up. It was a crazy theory but that was more then I had had ever since I had given up my lofty perch and my surplus of confidence. I take my theory and put what ever mental energy I can and put it behind an Olympian effort to will him to be slow. A flash and my head pounds and throbs with the painful failure of my plan. Of course it didn't work! I stumble in the dark shadow of the dust that has not yet cleared and out of frustration punch a pile of rubble. An avalanche showers down on top of me and I will It to stop, to slow, to not come. it ignores my thoughts and every exertion of my heart. It comes faster then I know I can move. I close my eyes. I  hoped the entire world to stop moving just because everything tells me it can't, just like when I was flying and everything told me I should fall. I open my eyes.

I'm not buried. At this point I'm so confused I'm not sure what to think. A moment that was not unique among the many moments that had recently transpired. I use what I have learned and shoot upwards into the air. Everything returned to its normal speed and the avalanche continued beneath me and completely devours the space I had taken up the moment before. I stop everything again as I had. I put my feet on the ground. I see the dust move as I pass through it slowly filling in the trail I leave behind. I wait and then I see him. the man runs towards me at a sprint and throws a fist. He is quick and athletic but now longer a blur. this time I can see him and we are much more matched in speed. Before his punch comes close enough to make contact with me. I snap out my fist with a sickening crack against his face. The force of the punch throws him through the dust and out of sight.

 I walk forward cautiously returning to a normal speed. The dust begins to settle and moves gently towards the ground. I see him laying off a ways on the ground not moving. The closer I get the more I am relieved to see that he is both breathing and no longer a threat. His nose is in a distorted and unnatural shape. Blood is streaked and speckled on his chin and under his nose. I sit down and rest. I close my eyes and let the sunlight wash over my face.

No mater how warm and pleasing the sun feels on my face in a vivid daydream it can't change the bone chilling wind that is blowing right through me. I walk further. I quicken my pace from the slow crawl I had reduced to because of my absorption into another epic world. No mater how important it may have been to defeat the yet undefined villain in a green and black suit it was just a day dream. I am getting very cold. My arms were covered in goose bumps. Shivers shoot up and down every part of me. I am frustrated with the time I wasted. I only added to the time it will take me to get home. I turn the corner and see the the park that should have come into view much sooner.

I step on to the soft grass and walk across toward the tree line. I glance over at some tables. I have a terrifying realization that I am not the only one visiting the park this late at night. I start to shiver more violently out of mixture of cold and fear. Thunder cracks and rain starts to fall. The water soaks into every inch of my clothes. The already penetrating cold some how finds warmth inside of me I was unaware of and disposes with it. I stop unsure. The conflicting impulses to stay still so I won't be noticed and to sneak away and hope that I will not be seen joust for dominance but neither find victory. It is quickly clear that I have been spotted. The same battle between impulses continues though now between whether I should run for my life or reason for it. the distance shrinks steadily until, by no effort for or against it, I am again faced with an unsurmountable and unconscionable wall only this one had the ugly, unforgiving presence of reality.

ch 1 ships and capes: episode 2

"You got a B on your physics test?" she asks "why that is terrific! What do you say we celebrate?"
"What did you have in mind?" I ask with pleasant premonitions rolling through my mind.
"Put your coat on, I’ll take you to the diner and I’ll let you pick out anything you want to eat" she says with a smile. I don't understand why this test was more important than other tests that received better scores in the past. Whatever the reason I'm glad. I put on my coat and we head out the door. Mom takes a few more moments. On the way to the diner my head is fills with visions of dancing hamburgers and malted milk shakes. My visions evaporate and I turn my attention to the houses that we pass by.
"So what else did you do today?"
As often as I was asked questions like this it would have made more sense to take notes during the day and write out a report. It’s not that I didn't remember, I just couldn't help but draw a blank when I was asked. My first response was more of a vain hope that I wouldn't have to rehearse the day’s events as if I had lined up my thoughts beforehand. I seem to have problems focusing. I wrack my brain until something falls out
"Um today we played basket ball in P.E."
"You must have enjoyed that. Isn't basketball one of your favorite sports?"
"Yeah I like playing it but I only enjoyed it for so long because I was hit in the jaw."
"What happened?" she asked with a small share of concern in her tone
"I was going for the ball and Ammon popped me in the jaw with his elbow"
"Was it on purpose?"
"I don't know but I doubt it. My jaw is stiff and it hurts when I open it to wide"
"Well I'm sure it’s just inflammation, you'll be alright." she says
I'm not sure if she is trying to be comforting or if she doesn't think it matters though I'm content with either. I rub my jaw and open it to stretch the sore muscles and joints that hinged it to the rest of my head. I felt like the creaky door of a haunted house only the groaning was from injured hinges not un-oiled ones. I close my mouth, sit thoughtfully for a moment, then end the solitude of the un-intrusive serenade of the background road noise.
"So how was your day?" I asked
"It was fantastic actually! Tonight is to celebrate good news for both of us" she says excitedly though clearly trying to hide exactly how excited she was
"I know I got a B on my physics test and that no big deal, but what is your big news?"
"I think it would be best if I gave you my news at the diner." she smiles.
"Suit yourself, I guess. We’re almost there anyway"
My response wasn't as eager as it should have been though mom's face doesn't fall an inch from its happy, excited expression. I really am eager I don't know why I responded so blandly. It isn't every day we eat at the diner. For anyone else it would seem ordinary maybe for some routine, for us it was a special occasion. Mom was a single parent and worked two jobs, we always had enough but not much more. We eat out rarely because it costs so much. I am secretly tortured with curiosity and impatience to know what my mom is bringing me to the diner to tell me. The car finally turns into the parking lot of the diner. We walk in and sit down at a table. I waste no time and immediately seek to end my miserable curiosity
"What is the big news?" I said doing as badly at covering up the full extent of my curiosity as my mom did her excitement when she told me she had news.
"I thought I'd wait to tell you until after we've gotten our food."
"Mom, your killing me!"
"Just be patience, now order anything on the menu sky is the limit!"
I raise a suspicious eyebrow but don't say anymore about it. I look at the menu and I feel a greediness fill my eyes until it overflows and lands in my stomach like a brick. If I wasn't hungry before, smelling the food in the air and looking at the pictures and reading descriptions of the entrees in the menu made it definitively so. I decide to test the waters. Mom said 'the sky is the limit' so I choose something a little more pricey and just mention it
"I was thinking about getting a steak, a large shake, and some onion rings." I say with a wry smile and a wink as if it were a joke.
"Sure honey, get whatever you want." she replies simply without looking up from her menu. I'm caught off guard and stare blankly for a second.
"What would you fine folks like to drink?" says a girl with an oddly familiar voice. Despite the familiarity I jump a little in my seat having been entirely oblivious to her approach.
"You know what you want William, why don't you order first" mom says with an I know something that you don't look on her face.
"I'll have a small chocolate malt shake and a small order of fries" I say in a small voice. I notice as I turn and look at the waitress I had given my order to again jump in my seat a little. It was Suzy Thompson from school! Suzy is a very pretty girl, a very pretty girl I had never talked to before. I realize quickly that I didn't know she worked there because I rarely came to the diner.
"Okay a small shake and..." she manages to say before my mom corrects her
"No, he will have a medium rare stake, a large chocolate malt shake, and an order of onion rings" she says as if she were reading something note worthy in the news paper rather then what it was to me, which was... embarrassing... I breathe in and hold my breath for a moment. Maybe if I hold it long enough it will change the fact that she is looking straight at me looking for confirmation that my new order is the correct one. I exhale, and nod my head sheepishly. She smiles a little out of the corner of her mouth, nods in acknowledgment, and then turns to mom.
"And what would you like ma'am?"
"I'll have a salad and an order of onion rings"
"What about to drink?"
"Water"
"Coming right up"
Suzy hops off to deliver the orders and I put my head in my hands.
"What’s wrong?" mom asks turning her head sideways. It’s clear that she doesn't have the faintest inkling of the embarrassment I felt. I sigh and let it go. It was of small consequence and not worth a second thought let alone and explanation.
"Nothing, but how long are you going to make me wait to hear your news?"
"I told you I'll tell you when we get are food, trust me"
We continue on talking about our days. I mention things like the stairs on the east side of campus still not being finished but how it should be soon. I learn from her that she was thinking about joining a book club with some of the other mothers in our apartment complex but isn't sure she can. When I ask why she only says it has to do with her big news. After a few minutes Suzy comes by with a tray with two plates and two cups.
"Enjoy!" she says cheerfully and steps off to help some people that had just arrived
"So can you tell me now?"
"Take a bite first"
"Mom!"
"Okay fine, how would you like to eat like this a few nights a week?"
"That would be nice, I suppose"
"Well here is the great news, I’ve been hired here as a waitress and I have a substantial discount so you can! Good news huh?"
My eyes widen. I look down at the steak and then back up at mom.
"Did you get fired from one of your other jobs?"
"No I have three jobs now."
I sit for a moment. "When do you work here?"
"Six days a week. Five o'clock until 10."
I take a bite of my stake and my mouth swims in the juices and my brain melts.
"Of course that means that we will see a lot less of each other for a while." she continued "you'll have to come here after school to have dinner and we'll talk before my shift starts." I begin to put food into my mouth with greater enthusiasm. Mom makes it clear from her face that she is glad I enjoy the food but concerned about how not seeing each other enough will affect me. I get half way through my stake, my sore jaw complaining against every bite, and then stop.
"I guess this means I'll have to remember my key from now on" I say. Mom chuckles a little.
"Mom, we can make this work but why do you need a third job? I thought we were doing fine"
"I'm tired of living pay check to pay check. I took the job here at the diner so that we can have some savings, something for a rainy day not to mention money for when you go to college."
"I could get a job, it would be better then you having three and us not seeing each other"
"Let’s wait to the end of the year and see how your grades are and then get you a job this summer. I don't want to take time away from your studies. You got a B on your physics test but you've been walking a tight rope in English and algebra"
I nod and then finish my food as enthusiastically as I started it and then lean back my stomach with a pleasant ache and my jaw still protesting the steak. I close my eyes for a moment and enjoy the feeling and then have a thought
"So when is your first day?" I ask
A look of panic wipes across her face like a tidal wave
"Ten minutes ago!" she half shouts. She runs off and returns nearly twenty minutes later wearing waitress's uniform just like the one Suzy was wearing earlier when she took our order.
"I'm sorry honey but you’re going to have to walk home. I lost track of time and was late on my first day so I don't think it’s a good Idea for me to ask for me duck out to give you a ride. It’s about as far from here to our apartment as your school is so you should be fine. I'll see you when I get home honey" she says before quickly shuffling off to a girl much younger then here who seemed to be teaching her about the job.
I do as I was instructed and start the long walk home.