the sun is low in the sky. I put my hands in my pockets because its getting colder. I wind through the streets. I see shops different businesses in my periphery. I walk with my head down and I stare at the side walk pass underneath me. the lines of where the different slabs of concrete came together on the side walk start at the top of my line of sight and disappear under my feet. I play a little game and try to put my foot in the same spot on each section of side walk. The sections are too big and my steps are too small. my steps rotate between landing on the top of each square to landing near the bottom line that divides each slab. I'm put into a trance by the regular pattern of my steps and my mind is almost completely blank for several moments.
The sun is completely below the horizon. The orange glow that usually fills the sky in the late afternoon has faded into purple while I am distracted by the side walk. Little pin pricks sprout above me that shine and sparkle happily. I hear cars pass on the road next to me. I stop and look around me.
"Darn it!" I say out of pure frustration a little louder then I intend to.
I turn around and start to back track to correct some wrong turns. I look at my watch and it becomes painfully clear I had been walking in the wrong direction for that last twenty minutes. I decide to head to the park with the Idea of of cutting across and saving time. I would have to walk through a grove of trees that was overridden with weeds and Ivy that flowed into a gully. I know I'll end up with stickers in my socks and be spooked by the spidery fingers that creep along every surface that will hold a shadow. there was a lot of branches that spring hadn't provided green for yet and they still had eerie silhouettes.
I fight the force of gravity on my chin and don't stare at the ground. this choice is made from newly acquired wisdom regarding the attention I pay to where I wind my path. It it is a ways until I'll be able to even see the park and with my complicated and extended route ahead of me I reflect on mom's 'big news'. That she shared with me. The selfless and forming adult inside of me knows that this is great news because of the financial security and quality of life it will bring. The same part of me knows we are able to adapt to this knew situation. The selfish not yet formed adult inside of me would gladly trade financial security to have my mom around more then one day a week. To that side of me it seems unfair, it seems to much to ask. mom and I are close, I could depend on the consistent advice and encouragement not to mention letting me in our apartment when I forgot my key. The selfless forming adult had the final rebuttal, it was what she wanted. How could I not reciprocate the encouragement and support she had always given me?
I'm conflicted but resigned to be positive. My mind drifts from one thought to another in search of something to think about that takes less determination to be positive about. I catch a glimpse of a comic book shop. There are several posters of superheros in dramatic poses, most of them with equally dramatic muscles etched into their costumes. They are larger then life. there is an undeniably epic quality to them. the thought slows my pace.
I look down on a clean vibrant metropolitan city from my perch on top of a sky scrapper. I hear the rustle of a cape flapping in the wind behind me. I glory in the suns warmth and close my eyes to let my face bathe in the light. my eyes snap open. I leap from the top of the building and fall faster then a bullet. the ground comes hurling towards me. I hope and will the ground to not hit me and some how I slow down and land gracefully on my feet. cars are scattered in unnatural positions some of them smashed. car horns blare and tires screech.
I'm not sure what to think. I feel strong and confident. I walk forward into the midst of the mayhem and watch with curious eyes at a cloud of dust that floats patiently. despite all the wreckage it begins to be quiet. most of the people had managed to stampede away all the cars rest peacefully on side walks or are stacked precariously on each other. it was odd and out of place. Every detail screams that something bad is about to happen but I don't know what to do or where to go or if i should go. The best I can do Is watch and wait for whatever is going to happen to happen. The dust is beginning to clear but it is still thick and coarse in the air.
I clench my hands into fists and I feel my fingers curl into the rock hard muscle in the palm of my hands. There is a blur that pokes a giant whole through the dust and knocks me down. it is too fast to see. dazed and confused I do my best to stand up. Everything is spinning and I cant get my eyes to focus. After a few seconds my eyes focus. I dust my self off and look up to sky. Laughter streams into the air echoing off of buildings all around me. I try to determine where its coming from but seems to come from every direction I look. I see a blur and throw a wild punch into the air in front of me hoping to hit something but I only make contact with air. suddenly its hard to breath and I clutch my stomach and choke and cough from an unseen blow to my middle. As strong as I feel I can't seem to accomplish anything. I know I need to succeed. Somehow I just sense its my duty to but it seems almost impossible. I stumble back and am helpless against a barrage of blows. I manage to cover my face with my arms. my abdomen aches and screams for mercy until... silence.
I open my eyes and there standing in front of me is a man. He has hair as black as night combed neatly to the side. I look deep into his eyes that are sagging and dark from lack of sleep. My mind flies in every direction with out settling on a single thought. a smile comes to the corner of his mouth that seems to draw every shadow.
"If this is the best earth has to offer then I don't Imagine it will take long for the rest to fall" he says kicking small pile of dust and fragments of rubble.
I look at him in amazement. It seems so impossible like it is some distant scene that has nothing to do with me. So I look at it from a distance. I remove myself from all of the fear and hurt. I remove myself from the rubble and the looming defeat. The details of it all sets into me, along with a greater resolve. I stand up straight with my shoulders square. I tighten fists. I feel my strength flow up my arms into my shoulders and down into my aches that seem now to be fading into the background.
He stands there in front of me unimpressed and chuckling darkly. There is a moment that we share where he seems to gloat and wait. I leap forward and close the short distance between us and strike into dead air where he had been standing. I turn as fast as I can and I see him there on I try again and grip a hand full of nothing. I close my eyes and take in a quick breath. A flash illuminates my mind and I remember the few moments I had spent in free fall from the top of the building I had perched myself on top of. I had somehow landed perfectly simply by willing it. I will myself off the ground but nothing happens.
a sharp pain explodes up my side but somehow I find the strength to not curl up. another blur floods my peripheral vision and bursts into the side of my face like a broken dam. pain washes over me as I fall to the ground. shiny floating wisps swim in the air. the man in the green and black suit stands over me. is this the end? when I feel so strong? I look up at the sky and remember William shanks and my day dream on my ship burnt sails and all. With all the danger of a fire burning squid I had always known what to do. I longed for the simplicity of more familiar dramatics. A villainous black boot plants its self on my chest but I don't break my stare away from the sky. I will my self into the sky and then, before I can process my actions, I throw the foot from me. I expertly move my feet underneath myself and launch myself into the air. Every moment I know I should be falling. Everything I know tells me I should fall but I keep going higher. The clouds rush over my skin. I feel and smell the cool mist before I stop.
What changed? What is different about this attempt from the one before? It is not obvious to me. what ever the difference Is it isn't in the neon letters i need it to be. I look down passed my perpetually suspended feet at the city below, passed the towering hight of the impressively built buildings below. In their shadow is chaos and an unfinished battle that only I can fight. I have to come down. I will my self to the scene of destruction I have just left. Immediately I begin to sink into a free fall with my nose facing the ground. I understand what I need to do. I will the ground to come towards me as hard as I can. A tremendous burst of speed launches me faster then I could have imagined. I will the ground away from me almost to late. The dust for miles is thrown into the air. I stop with my feet in a slight creator but firmly on the ground.
I meet my opponent again in the cloud of dust I have just tossed up. All that I can see of him is an obscure silhouette. I know what is coming. having been on the receiving end of a thousand punches and kicks I can't see any other outcome then one. there is going to be a blur and then an excruciating pain. This time will be different I think to my self. I'm not even sure in the slightest but I had a theory. I didn't fly up when I willed myself to fly. I flew up when I willed myself to be closer to the sky. It was the same when I landed, I willed the ground away and I slowed and stopped.
My theory is that instead of willing myself to go faster I will, will the man in the green and black suit to slow down and maybe in response I will speed up. It was a crazy theory but that was more then I had had ever since I had given up my lofty perch and my surplus of confidence. I take my theory and put what ever mental energy I can and put it behind an Olympian effort to will him to be slow. A flash and my head pounds and throbs with the painful failure of my plan. Of course it didn't work! I stumble in the dark shadow of the dust that has not yet cleared and out of frustration punch a pile of rubble. An avalanche showers down on top of me and I will It to stop, to slow, to not come. it ignores my thoughts and every exertion of my heart. It comes faster then I know I can move. I close my eyes. I hoped the entire world to stop moving just because everything tells me it can't, just like when I was flying and everything told me I should fall. I open my eyes.
I'm not buried. At this point I'm so confused I'm not sure what to think. A moment that was not unique among the many moments that had recently transpired. I use what I have learned and shoot upwards into the air. Everything returned to its normal speed and the avalanche continued beneath me and completely devours the space I had taken up the moment before. I stop everything again as I had. I put my feet on the ground. I see the dust move as I pass through it slowly filling in the trail I leave behind. I wait and then I see him. the man runs towards me at a sprint and throws a fist. He is quick and athletic but now longer a blur. this time I can see him and we are much more matched in speed. Before his punch comes close enough to make contact with me. I snap out my fist with a sickening crack against his face. The force of the punch throws him through the dust and out of sight.
I walk forward cautiously returning to a normal speed. The dust begins to settle and moves gently towards the ground. I see him laying off a ways on the ground not moving. The closer I get the more I am relieved to see that he is both breathing and no longer a threat. His nose is in a distorted and unnatural shape. Blood is streaked and speckled on his chin and under his nose. I sit down and rest. I close my eyes and let the sunlight wash over my face.
No mater how warm and pleasing the sun feels on my face in a vivid daydream it can't change the bone chilling wind that is blowing right through me. I walk further. I quicken my pace from the slow crawl I had reduced to because of my absorption into another epic world. No mater how important it may have been to defeat the yet undefined villain in a green and black suit it was just a day dream. I am getting very cold. My arms were covered in goose bumps. Shivers shoot up and down every part of me. I am frustrated with the time I wasted. I only added to the time it will take me to get home. I turn the corner and see the the park that should have come into view much sooner.
I step on to the soft grass and walk across toward the tree line. I glance over at some tables. I have a terrifying realization that I am not the only one visiting the park this late at night. I start to shiver more violently out of mixture of cold and fear. Thunder cracks and rain starts to fall. The water soaks into every inch of my clothes. The already penetrating cold some how finds warmth inside of me I was unaware of and disposes with it. I stop unsure. The conflicting impulses to stay still so I won't be noticed and to sneak away and hope that I will not be seen joust for dominance but neither find victory. It is quickly clear that I have been spotted. The same battle between impulses continues though now between whether I should run for my life or reason for it. the distance shrinks steadily until, by no effort for or against it, I am again faced with an unsurmountable and unconscionable wall only this one had the ugly, unforgiving presence of reality.
No comments:
Post a Comment